Eve and Summerset Insults

—

Summerset: "I had believed, though you have countless flaws, you were, at least, a competent investigator. I see now, you are not, any more than you are a competent friend to one who depended on you."

Eve: "You really think after what I've been through tonight that you can say anything to touch me?"

Summerset: "I don't believe anything touches you, Lieutenant. You're without loyalty and that makes you nothing. Less than nothing."

— Eve: "Put him on, you skinny, frog-faced son of a b*tch. Now."

—

Eve: “Your personal routine is going to include group showers where even your bony ass will get plenty of attention if you don't start listening to me.”

Summerset: “I don't appreciate your crudeness.”

Eve: “And I don't appreciate your bitchiness, but we're both stuck.”

—

Summerset: "I trust you intend to change into something more appropriate before dinner this evening."

Eve: "I trust you'll continue to be an asshole for the rest of your life."

—

Summerset: “That Chippendale is a coffee table, Lieutenant, not a footstool.”

Eve: “How do you walk with that stick up your ass? ... Does it hurt, or does it give you a nice little rush?”

—

Summerset: You're earlier than expected, and appear to have gotten through the day without destroying any article of clothing. I must note this event down on my calender."

Eve: "Bitch when I'm late, bitch when I'm early. You could go pro on the bitching circuit."

Summerset: "Your current offensive mode of transportation has not been properly garaged."

Eve: "Your current offensive face hasn't been beaten to a pulp by my fists either. Mark that on your calender, Creepshow."

— "I'm late," she snapped before Summerset could speak. "But here's the thing, I'm not always late, but you're always ugly. Who's got the real problem?"

—

Summerset: "... It's visibly apparent that you're giving this considerable time and effort as you have circles under your eyes and your disposition is even more disagreeable than usual due to your lack of proper rest and nutrition."

Eve: "Bite me"

Summerset: "And your clever repartee suffers as a result."

Eve: "How's this for clever repartee?" She jabbed her middle finger in the air.

Summerset: "Typical."

—

Summerset: "I find myself surprised," he said in what she figured he considered droll tones. "You're out for several hours, yet you return - dare I say - almost fashionably dressed, with nothing torn or bloodied. A remarkable feat."

Eve: "I find myself surprised that no one's bothered to beat you into a pulpy mass just on the general principle of your ugliness. But the day's young yet, for both of us." ^[1]

— Eve: "Figured what to get you for Christmas. A brand new shiny stick for you to shove up your ass. The one you've had up there the past couple decades must be showing some wear." ^[2]

—

Summerset: "Roarke is in his office, attending to some of your business."

Eve: "Nobody held a stunner to his throat," ... "Which is what I dream of doing to you, night after night."

—

Summerset: "I didn't realize you were taking a few days off"

Eve: "What are you talking about?"

Summerset: "As you've returned home unbloodied, without any of your clothing torn, I assume you've spent the day in some leisurely pursuit."

Eve: "Day's not over yet. I could end it pursuing your bony ass, but you'd be the one bloodied and torn."^[3]

—

Summerset: “In the future I’d appreciate it if you’d inform me of any deliveries.”

Eve: “In the future I’d appreciate it if you’d wear a hood over your face before you come on my ‘link screen” ^[4]

—

Summerset: "I've brought that unfortunate vehicle you've yet to wreck around in anticipation of your departure. I hope you won't leave it soiling the front of the house much longer."

Eve: "Kiss my ass, scarecrow."

Summerset: "There." He smiled at her. "We're back to normal." ^[5]

—

"Lieutenant" he [Summerset] said in a tone that scraped along the back of her neck like nails over a blackboard. "You're late, as usual."

Eve: "You're ugly, as usual. But I've learned to make allowances." ^[6]

—

Eve: "I haven't got time for you, Flat Ass"

Summerset: "Or little else, apparently, as you arrive late. Again. And have used your face as a punching bag. Again."

Eve: "That was yesterday. I offered yours, but they judged it too high on the ugly scale." ^[7]

—

Summerset: "I was under the assumption you were off duty until tomorrow."

Eve: "There's a dead body, which unfortunately isn't yours."^[8]

—

When she walked into the house, she gave Summerset one brief glance.

Eve: "Why don't you just outfit a droid in one of the funeral director suits and have it lurk in the foyer? It'd be livelier."

Summerset: "Then I would miss your daily attempts at wit."

Eve: "I only need to attempt as the target comes in at half." She bounded up the steps, pleased. Half-wit, she thought. Pretty good one.^[9]

—

When Eve walked in with a black eye.

Summerset: "I see you've had your monthly facial, Lieutenant."

Eve: "Trina will be here tomorrow. Maybe she can decorpse yours." Eve scowled her way up the steps "Damn it, that was weak. His was better. His was good. Just one more thing to be pissed about."^[10]